-
Website
http://www.thatwasfunny.com -
Original page
http://www.thatwasfunny.com/40-things-that-only-happen-in-the-movies/635 -
Subscribe
All Comments -
Community
-
-
Top Commenters
-
Popular Threads
All Comments
He will always suspend his top detective or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
Shopping must always be 2 brown paper bags, each visibly containing a stick of french bread and green leafy vegetables, yet you never see movie actors eating french bread.
Computer screens never show a cursor, just a blank screen with ENTER PASSWORD. A small personal laptop has the power to override a large government operation or an entire alien civilisation.
Oh, and call me naïve, but I don't think I've ever seen any actual movie in which #2 happens.
The rest of these are spot-on, though.
Whenever a character sees something strange/unbelievable, if he takes someone else back to see the same thing then it will always be gone
Characters manage to find exacly what they are serching for on the internet in two clicks by only twitching their wrist.
A hero who has been shooting round after round of there gun without reloading have to cock it before shooting the 'badguy'.
Henchmen die after being shoot in the shoulder but anyone else has to be shoot,stabed and beaten before they have a ten minute long death sceen
Did you ever notice on tv shows whenever someone gets a birthday or Xmas gift there's never any wrapping paper to tear open? The giftee simply removes the top of the box.
Hacking into even the most difficult computers will only take a moment. And nobody needs to bother with silly things like turning computers on, opening any programs, or typing at a rate of less than 1,000 words a minute.
Heroes always cock their heads in weird ways when preparing to shoot a badguy with a pistol from no less than 100 yards away. Mr. Willis referred to this in an interview as the 'Horse Eye' method of marksmanship.
On television, when something shocking is revealed right before a commercial, the actors have ghastly twisted expressions on their faces. This is known as 'Smelling the Fart,' because of the uncanny similarity between the two gestures.
Protagonists have the ability to loose 75-90% of their blood volume while remaining concious, alert, and deadly.
Most people seem to know the good guy from the bad guy, and pay no attention to the good guy running down the street brandishing a firearm.
Everyone knows that you have to give up your car to a total stranger when told it is being commandeered.
2. Movie climaxes tend to occur in abandoned warehouses near water.
3. One person, generally the hero, has the Daredevilesque ability to hear faint talking in the background of audio recordings that no one else initally hears. He alerts the others to this by saying, "Wait. What was that? Go back."
4. People slide down walls to sitting position while crying.
5. Sadistic killers are also witty stand-up comedians specializing in one-liners.
6. Bombs are always defused within the last three seconds, never at twelve or twenty seven.
7. Innocent women are generally survivors where more worldly and street smart women are immediate psycho-fodder.
8. Rocket launchers can be fired from inside of helicopters without causing the occupants in the rear seats to die from the backstream.
9. Women lip synch and dance when there are no men around...constantly.
10. Indian burial grounds always cause trouble.
note. this event ALWAYS happens at the big state championship game
2. Sleep is rare (I think of the TV show 24 on this one. In reality, six to eight consecutive episodes should just feature all of the primary characters in bed sleeping).
3. Nearly all car collisions end in hellish infernos.
4. Cars regularly become airborne without the use of ramps.
5. Medical examiners, forensic scientists, profilers, etc. become involved in car chases, shoot-outs, fist fights (in reality, they spend most of their time in labs and rarely meet actual criminals unless they are testifying in court).
6. Bullets from small handguns have the force to throw people across rooms.
7. Torches burn for hours.
8. Serial killers have the time and resources to plan elaborate and ambitious crimes and tortures undetected. They also have access to hidden underground dungeons in urban areas absent of neighbors who can hear screams.
9. Packages arrive in the mail revealing crucial clues to mysteries, mailed at undetermined points in the past.
10. 95 pound women have the ability to overpower 250 pound muscle-bound men in hand to hand combat.
how come come ugly people never save the world in movies?
any featured sport's team in a movie always win the game at the last second
if a movie is not a comedy than you will never hear an actor fart
since when do people wake up with a smile on their face and bright shinny eyes?
1. Any random change in your pocket will work to complete a call.
2. When searching for a listing in the phone book, simply open it to the middle, flip one single page and the listing is on that very next page.
3. If you're in a hurry, the following will occur:
A. Someone will already be using the phone, having a very light hearted, innane conversation, so it's best to be comically frustrated before eventually boiling over and either: running off (don't wory, no actual time has elapsed), or grabbing the other person by the collar, throwing them out of the booth and then casting a menacing glance at them. Never use a logical plea or communicate it's an emergency. The other person will also most likely pound on the booth and say something prefaced with "hey buddy...".
B. It's tough to get the change into the slot, but keep trying. It helps to hit the phone and freak out.
4. Cars that make a huge jump will land toward the nose of the car, bending the car into a V shape, but in the next shot of the car driving away, the car will be back to normal.
5. On film, seat belts are neither necessary nor desired, especially at high speed.
6. If you have a death wish, it helps to be a black man in a minor role, a woman who makes love to James Bond, the main badguy, or a potential victim who smiles and breathes a sigh of relief.
Any evidence to convict a character that everyone likes will be hidden in a picture frame behind a family photo.
Father and son photos are always taken on fishing trips.
The hero will always get massive beads of sweat of his/her forehead, but none under their arms. Only fat people ever have sweat under their arms.
When driving a vehicle off of a ledge/building/bridge, it will always be at the exact same height as an enemy helicopter.
Everyone's alarm clock sounds the same. Also, radio alarm clocks in hte bedroom will be loud enough to be heard downstairs in the kitchen, without the character touching the volume.
Important news on TV is always slightly too quiet, prompting the main character to turn up the volume.
Women wake up with their makeup from the night before still flawless. They also sleep in their bras (trust me, no one does this in real life).
people are shown playing video games when there is no game in the system (a lot in 90s movies)
hi-tech, next generation video games systems make sounds like their atari2600 and pacman ancestors
people get to board flights with deadly weapons such as automatic guns and HATTORI HANZO blades... AND sit with them in the cabin!
Everyone in the office or house you're visiting always stand close together as they wave good bye to you.
No one has bad breath.
Young kids are smarter than most of the population.
Every dog is calm and/or well trained.
Every window is spotlessly clean.
When eating at a restraunt the food is served 1 minute after ordering it.
After being shot in the knee our hero only limps for a few moments and soon is able to run, fight, climb walls, etc.
A policeman never waits for backup.
The police only show up after the long gun fight is over.
A small hand grenade has the explosive power of a ton of TNT.
All stewardesses are pretty.
In police movies the hero is some how well known by the chief, mayor, store owners, coronor, and every informant in town.
Special equipment that would take months to design and build is readily available a few minutes after the plan is made - Ocean's Eleven and Twelve come to mind.
The lead investigator, head of the government dept, etc is somehow a person in his/her mid 20's instead of an older person who might actually have the experience to have that position.
In Sports movies, for some reason the best player in that given sport in that given area, is not only not registered in the league (which if he's so good makes no sense at all), but he also is able to register mid season (believe me I've tried to join leagues mid-season and they simply won't do it or give you a huge hassle)and never once questions the fact that he's joining the worst team in the league (again if he's so good this makes no sense).
Also, in sports sequals, there will be a mentor figure who dies either just before the big game or just as the star player is having a mid-movie crisis.
Masks come complete with automatic makeup remover just incase you need to dramatically rip off your mask to reveal your Identity and don't want the makeup you wear to enhance your masked look to be present. (This is known as the Batman effect)
Unless it's a comedy or the character is portrayed as a slob, you can eat as many chips, doritos or cheesies and never get either greesy or cheesy fingers.
The best way to avoid being shot by a volley of bullets is to randomly run the full length of the line of shooters.
Whenever a building burns to the ground with people inside as a result of arson, all that will remain of any of the victims will be a piece of jewelery given by the hero to his significant other.
Religious heroes alwasy get shot in the crucifix they wear or the bible they keep in their breast pocket. Thus hurting them like hell and knocking them out so everyone thingks they are dead only to discover the bullet lodged into the religious symbol.
Everyone has the perfect ability to drift sideways around a corner at high speed. Also, to drive really fast in reverse whilst looking over your shoulder and then spin the car around to go the right way, usually whilst shooting out the window.
The car being chased can always drive through a red light and manage to randomly miss all oncoming cars, but the pursuer will either lock up their brakes and hit the steering wheel in frustration, or crash. Same goes for only just getting by an oncoming train at a crossing.
It's very easy to break someones neck, just by turning their head quickly, or you can karate chop them in the shoulder to instanly knock them out.
she always falls and trips
and when the hold a knife up to their necks
the girl is always breathing so hard and swallowing big clums of saliva
At no point in any love scene is there any use of, shot of, or even mentioning of birth control devices or techniques (i.e. condoms, sponges, morning-after pills, etc.).
One well-timed punch by the protagonist will knock out any overbearing chief, sleazy journalist, or jerk ex-boyfriend with a single blow. The only repercussion for the protagonist is a slight bit of pain in the punching hand that can be cured wth two or three shakes of it.
Cab drivers are always red-blooded Americans born and raised in the good old U.S. of A., possessing an impeccable mastery of the English language.
Dramatic fights last until the end of the movie, as opposed to the 15-20 seconds before cops/bouncers break it up or someone loses consciousness.
2. Housing costs don't exist. Example: A rookie cop (who lives alone) living in a Manhattan penthouse with terrace and view over Central Park. Cost in real life: $8M.
The final combat scene is drawn out and exceedingly difficult. For most of it, the bad guy wins. Then the good guy, who is beaten, finds new determination and energy and overcomes the bad guy.
The bad guy is next to impossible to beat. It doesn't matter if the bad guy is a 70 year old man with back pain, and the good guy is 25 and strong. The bad guy will win through the first 3/4ths of the final drawn-out battle. Only at the end does the good guy get superhuman strength to beat the bad guy.
The good guy will finally win, even if he's 75 with arthritis, chasing a young robber across a parking lot. He always gets his man.
Good guys jump out of windows in an alley and land on empty boxes, but bad guys are thrown out and land on dumpsters or cars.
Two guys in a car on a stakeout are invisible if they're parked across the street and one house down from the house they're watching.
Every movie made after 1999 has "Trust me" in the dialog.
In court, direct examination of witnesses consists of two questions.
Air bags in cars never detonate on impact with a sudden, violent bang, but slowly inflate several minutes after the crash.
Good guys use Macs. Bad guys use PCs.
Also, if someone phones someone up and says "look at the news!" the TV will turn on to the news bulletin, no matter how long it takes to turn the TV on.
I assume "cat" is a euphemism?
"Heat" does not rise in a movie (if there is even such a thing as "heat.")
If you are dangled by your feet over a volcano with your face inches from the lava, you are completely safe, so long as you don't touch the 3,000 degree lava.
Meetings among criminals are always held in very dim light, no matter where they are.
Throughout the universe, there are only a few civilizations that do not speak English, but there are none that speak French, German, or Chinese.
Also, heros will absorb tremendous kicks and punches to the face but will never be puffed up or swollen (maybe bruised a little) unless the hero is a boxer.
2) When naked, indentations from wastebands, bras, etc are never present.
Any plot that involves a junkyard, no matter how peripherally, will have at least one character wind up in the car-crusher at some point.
Any scene that involves a backyard pool will wind up with someone in said pool. If the scene is in anything besides a comedy, heaven help that someone.
No matter how big and labyrinthine the building, the psycho killer will always not only know where the fleeing victim is headed, but how to get there ahead of her (it's almost invariably a 'her').
If a fight or chase takes place anywhere near a long drop-off such as the top of a tall building or near the rim of a cliff, someone will always end up going over the edge.
No matter how hands-on he gets in the hunt for the hero, the master villain will always be the last one killed.
Three sentences that are guaranteed to get a character killed: "Hang on, I didn't sign on for this." "I'm going straight to the police." "It's too important to tell you over the phone."
All prostitutes have hearts of gold and make good wife material.
All big businesses are corrupt and evil, oil companies extremely so.
Writers and journalists are always decent and honest seekers of the truth.
Good guys never get shot in the face and no matter how grievously injured, always live long enough to say a few words.
No matter how pointless to the plot, the male and female leads will have to have a bedroom scene.
All gratings covering the entry to a ventilation system will come off with only a tug (no screws), and the shaft is always horizontal and big enough for adults to crawl through.
Any group of pathetically inept losers with a boozy but lovable old coach will eventually win the sports championship.
All police computer analysts can enhance the lowest grade audio, video, or still photograph into near CD or HDTV quality with just a few keystrokes.
Enlisted men are always saintly, thoughtful "everymen". Officers are generally evil "warmongers", unless they are cool "flyboys" who have rebel temperaments - personalities that would preclude them from graduating from flight school.
Einstein's Theory of Relativity - Movie Version
The closer one gets to the zero count on the timer, the slower the timer counts.
The classic illustration of this phenomenom is the Ft. Knox scene in 'Goldfinger'.
In the real world, it's more like, >>click
This scrapbook is always stumbled across by the hero, typically under a bare lightbulb in the killer's basement.
Coroners always eat their lunch while showing the hero the horrifically mangled body of a murder victim. They invariably ask if anyone else would care for half of their sandwich.
Although deeply immersed in conversation with the female lead, as he passes a newstand or paperbox, the hero will immediately notice a headline that coincides with the very case he's involved in.
Exception: Star Trek 6!
All cars are freshly washed.
Fist fights always occur between high ranking political/military figures and their evil nemesis. If the fight occurs near the beginning of the movie the evil nemesis will win. If at the end, the high ranking political/military figure, i.e. good guy, will win.
Detectives always enter buildings in which armed and dangerous criminals are hiding. Generally without backup. They will engage in a significant amount of discussion about the crime and/or the detective's personal life, several exchanges of gunfire after which the criminal will either be beaten unconscious, fall from a high building or fall into a pool filled with piranhas.
Also, in any scene where you're investigating a creeply old house (with a flashlight), a cat will screech and come flying through the air at you.
And a sad one: in movies you can be "knocked out" and recover immediatly to join the action. A whole generation now fails to understand that all concussions cause some brain damage, and there is at least a recovery period if not permanent effects.
** They will usually be running hand-in-hand. This is because the quickest way for two people to run somewhere is to hold hands.
Master-villains are often English (this Hollywood cliche is probably a reverberation of American colonial resentment, but it is exploited by Hollywood to appeal in particular to the Scots-Irish population in the USA). In fact you can be as racist as you like about the English in historical dramas and this is considered a 'realistic' view (e.g. Mel Gibson's Braveheart).
Only nice guys have pet dogs.
Conspiracy theories are never wrong.
Whenever an argument breaks out in a group of people everyone starts talking and no one stops to listen until someone yells out "HEY HEY" and then everyone stops arguing at once.
Pump shotguns never have a round in the chamber until the hero or bad guy has to make a point or threaten somebody. Only then is a round pumped into the chamber. Before that, the weapon was just being carried for exercise.
When being chased by someone, always run up a building to get to the roof. (see Casino Royale)
To get an elevator, just push the button. It will miraculously appear.
The crook, instead of shooting the hero when he has a chance, will talk to him and allow him to figure out an escape.
After an operation, a woman will have on her full makeup and hair in place.
Newborn babies are always at least a month old and know how to smile.
When being chased by a hero, just keep running. Never try to mingle with the crowds. (again see Casino Royale)
No matter how much body armor the bad guy is wearing or how fast the alien heals from bullets fired through its body the good guys will never think to take a head shot. Instead they'll empty several clips futilely into the badguy's body then despair over the unfairness of having "unkillable" opponents.
Corrollary: if the bad guy is wearing a helmet sparks will fly off of it from the numerous bullet impacts. Head shots are only avoided if the badguy's head is left unprotected.
If the character is a she, her mutation will probably be caused by her being pregnant, a fact which her significant other will not know about yet.
Protaganist can always find inspiration/motivation for the big challenge from dead best friend (aka Goose) or dead parent.
Single parents usually lose their spouse to cancer (and they're still not over it).
Kids are always smarter than the adults..and smart asses too.
James Bond never gets gonnorhea
More on kids in the movies:
- In horror flicks, children -- and by extension, children's toys -- are the source of unimaginable evil.
- In a horrific freak accident or major disaster that levels an entire apartment complex/housing compound/town, a lone child under the age of 7 will be the sole survivor. Said child will also have no serious injuries and will, at worst, have some minor bruising and be caked with dirt or soot. When found, said child will be conscious and crying for their mommy, and clinging to their favourite doll/stuffed animal/security blanket, which will have miraculously remained intact.
- Children never die in the movies. Unless the death of a child is a major plot point, in which case, the child will be depicted as suffering on-screen but will die either off-screen or when the camera view is shifted to observe an adult's prolonged reaction.
- Disabled children are always weak, and are often used as a reminder to the hero of his own mortality. No disabled children are depicted as being happy in spite of their limitations, or having the ability to overcome them.
- A child is either withdrawn and shyly hiding behind their parent's leg, or a completely hyper bundle of energy. There is no happy medium.
- A child who is shy and doesn't behave like her desperately in need of ritalin peers is most likely being abused by her parents or a trusted elder. (And it's usually a female child being abused.)
- Little boys are ALWAYS troublemakers, and little girls are ALWAYS very bright and studious. Unless it's a black child in a comedy, in which case, he or she will be intelligent but have a bit of an attitude problem, and speak in street slang despite being too young to actually know what the adult vernacular means.
Check out "The Constant Gardener", the whiz kid runs some bastard child of OS X and Windows!
When a woman is shown nude or partially nude it is usually sexy, if a man is, then it is usually presented as comical.
The nerdy kids are always envious of the "popular" kids & are dying to be a part of their crowd. The most popular girl is a bitch, but the most popular guy is actually really a nice & smart person who ends up with the nerdy girl, who is usually gorgeous.
High school movies always end with prom & make the prom out to be the pinnacle of the high school experience and possibly life.
Already mentioned, but it really bugs me: struggling artists and dog walkers & other people with low-paying jobs have these amazing apartments in the most desirable locations.
Any movie set in ancient times (Greece, Rome) has the characters speaking with British accents, even though they are not English.
Anyone who forgets anything has alzheimer
Anyone who had a headache, has a tumor
2. Guys only seem to wear white under-wears that always look brand-new.
3. A little girl on a swing with her back turned, when her face is revealed she is a zombie.
4. Your hands are broken over and over in the same fight and they still seem perfectly fine to continue fight with.
2.nomatter what when the wife comes in its obvios she is gonna say 'hunnie im home'
when it is obvios she is home
3.actors always slam house/car doors!!! wonder they dont break lol
A pretty girl can become a renowned physicist before she's turned 22.